Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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