Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
