After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
