Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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