eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
