It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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