I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want nice things and good sex
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
