can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Randomize
