Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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