You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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