I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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