Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize