Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
