I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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