u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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