how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
