Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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