Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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