apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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