If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How naked do you want me to be?
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