i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
