I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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