i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
