Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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