My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so let's talk penis.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
