her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
