the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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