im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize