My entire life is one complicated drinking game
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize