He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
