we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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