Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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