I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
