I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
