he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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