i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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