Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
