so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize