I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
