what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize