that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
