I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize