It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The power of my boobs compel you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
