You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
