i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
