just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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