She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
