Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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