Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
