I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
