Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
3 2 1 whiskey
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
