turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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