I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
