I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
operation harelip BJ is a go
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
