No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize