i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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