So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
