Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
