Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
