my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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