a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
