I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
