I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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