Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love having hate sex.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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