Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
