and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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