3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
