the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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