I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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