We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
