haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
